When I first heard about Sex Sermons I got all excited thinking of hot, dirty Unitarians being pornstars on a site called something like My First Sex Preacher.

Unfortunately, my fantasies are not yet realities. Fortunately, the reality is not that bad.

A Lutheran Church in suburban Detroit is serving up a sexualized series of sermons. After a controversial intro involving couples asking questions and removing shoes (is that so Jesus could carry them?) the Epic Church’s website reads:

“Sex wasn’t invented in a dark alley behind a pornshop. It’s part of
God’s design. Did you know that the Bible is very open and frank
about sexual matters? In fact, this may shock you but…God wants
you to have GREAT SEX. In this series, we’ll ask questions and
begin to unravel the myths and confusion about sex.”

I had no idea sex wasn’t invented behind a porn shop. I mean that is where I lost my virginity . . .

So I might start going to church again. At the very least I’ll make it to the “Porn: What’s the big deal?” sermon. Heck, I might as well write it.

If I wrote a sermon I’d definitely include Czech pornstar Silvia Saint. With her blond hair, 36C-23-35 body, and sexy accent, if she can’t bring me to a righteous path then no one can.

If she can’t bring me, she can make me cum, and on her knees no less . . .

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 27th, 2007 at 5:35 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.